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Third Draft
Someone needs to start organizing all these ideas and shit and somehow make a half-decent novel/collection of stories. (derped, was masturbating.) * *Organizing? Why? * *Are we getting anywhere? * *One day...One day.... * *What do you wishful think? * * * *PleaalAllright someone start with an idea or a title (this is clearly a biblical parallel) * * * *I think we could get somewhere with this. (that's what Sisyphus said) I see what you did there. * *Or could we? (deepshitmangod) * *If we plan it well, we could --unexpected faggotry appart, that is. * *Given, of course, that we have a clear idea of what we want to do. * *It's clearly Lacanian.Agree. I have no opinion one way or the other. I think it's just meta meta me-ta MeTa meta??????????????????????????????????????????? * *We could start with something like the game of Nomic. Picture that: a literary Nomic.... the poster died of a heart attack mid sentence * *I can write in french, btw any thoughts?I can write in Arabic.so start doing that! Write sexy "I'm cumming" shit where appropriate. * *I shall use my rudimentary knowledge of japanese. * *Question: Has a similar project been carried out in the past? (read the text shithead) Which text? THE PENIS WAS empty inside; dead empty. I would prefer to do a "case study". I don't see how study cases would help why tha fuck would we care? just start working on this here shit. * *CUT THE RATIONALISING CARP AND START WRITING * *choose a chapter french guy * *I'm writing a novel, I am better than everyone else not writing a novel I am proving a theorem, I am better than everyone else not proving a theorem. See? That doesn't get us anywhere. * *And so begins our story: * * * * * *vote?: (+) * * * *Title ideas: @matthewpyr * *The Penis Was Not The Recursive Volition:++ * * * *The Volatile Recursion: * *Volatitility is Recursive: + * *Cursive is revolting: * *The curse is convoluted: * *The Cunt is Cursed: + * *Curse of the Volatile Cunt Revolver (volatile cunt should be checked by a Doctor): + * *(Needs more recursions of a volatile nature) * * *CHAPTER 0.2178 * *I saw a red door, and I wanted to paint it black. * *I didn't. I defecated on the door step and wiped my ass all over it. * * * *I felt like taking a shit over the world. Damn you world, damn you. * * * *Paw! * * * *'Chapter 0' * *Alex sat at his chair, recalling what the doctor told him a couple of hours earlier, "You don't have much to live," he said, "Perhaps a year at most," * *Alex kept gazing at the test tubes over which he has been working for years, in a couple of them there was a virus that could wipe half of humanity off the surface of the Earth if they spread outside his laboratory. * *"Bang!" Alex said. "Maybe I should leave with a big BANG!" Alex thought to himself. "A great finale, ladies and gentlemen," he said bowing, addressing humanity in his mind's eye. * * * *Alex thought of the universe. "I am leaving it soon, so why should I care about it?" he told himself. "As far as I am concerned, the world ends when I die, it does not matter whether there is anybody is left after I leave." * * * *who the fuck's alex? * *asked julie. * *" Name holder for my character.The master of the universe." * *said alex. * * * * * *'Chapter Cos(0)' * *Mary Sue's heroin addiction was getting out of hand into Bush. She was at a loss of what to do next, so she crazily phoned her wizard fuckbuddy. This wizard was known most crazily by the name of Carl. He was born from a long line of wizards, and he was renowned for his studly wizard powers, and (oxford comma is socks) Carl summoned a dragon to rain fire down upon the police officers that were patrolling the gated community, * *And fire was rained on them fuckos. Roast pig anyone (???????????????????????????????????????)? No, that's not kosher, you are being exclusionist. The urbanites were invited to a feast that they would no doubt savour: to feed off the bodies of their sadistic opressors, the league of gingerbread men AND women (pendulum of equality). With niggers and jews and niggers and jews and quaquaqua niggers jews and niggers spreading all their love and goodness(rescued) and I can't think of any more words to express the love that is welling up inside. Racism is a problem in our society. With the help of our friends in nature, we will overcome it. I'm sorry. I scared off blue background guy. That guy's name was God. Just a slob like any of us. Infinite wisdom of Joan Osbourne. * * * *'Chapter Too' * *So there was this, where they're all like two floors, and you think they'd tip over, except they don't. Usually. I dream of trains, but today I dreamt of skyscrapers and towers and shit. Today will be/was/is/would/could/ever shall be Jesus. The conductor was coming, checking for pricks like me. It was penis inspection day. He (subconscious sexism, I am forever sorry) had a garlic in his eye. I ran to the toilet, locking the door, and beat off furiously to the sound of his voice. Tickets please, oh God please, OH GOD CHECK MY TICKET YES. Tickets of any kind have always been a fetish for me ever since I was a little girl. I think it stems from the incident of when I accidentally saw my father's penis peeka boo through a hole in his boxer shorts while he was scratching his groin during a rewatch of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. A knock at the door. What would become of me? * * * *"wiggety diggety doo. the mouse was fucking my shoe" Cette chaussure avait un aspect rustre et fort athlétique. Bien que la puissance sexuelle dégagée par la souris dépassait les plus folles attentes de la chaussure, l'acte sexuel eu quand même lieu. * *"lollipop schmollipop poo. a house on the shore, it's true"(autism perfected) * *Said Fagsore (copyright infringement averted).true dat holla * * * *There was no toilet. There was no door to hide behind. The conductor reached for my throbbing ticket. What a wonderful feeling as he (I can't remember, so just imagine something here). * * * *I find it hard to disagree with that when minty pilot is unravelling his underwear here. To get myself off, I imagine reviews of my sexual prowess. * * * *"It's so meta. I blame the love Juice." -Your Local Dentist/Faurisson? * *"Don't hate" -Chomsky * *"wtf?" -Harold Bloom * *http://chanarchive.org/4chan/lit/7548/the-penis-was-for-pulitzer-prize#740205 * *"Masterpiece of our time." -NYT (devalue this with less than two words) * *"going to read that shit right now." -Toweling * *"a fun read" -Stephen King * *"It was very Kafka-esqe"-Kafka * * * *"I'M NOT WRITING IN CAPS" -Magritte * *wtf am I going to be the only one writing? The roofies in my drink were pretty good though. * *Could have used some lime and the shitstain wasn't that great of a touch on the glass rim. But at least Minty was fresh. He blew my mind as I blew him. * * * *'Chapter Charlie Sheen' * *See you later. Bowling Gatorade. * * * *I know said Allie. * * * *Little did she know that I was just another pervert underneath the body length trenchcoat. My girdle was itchy again. And I scratched it. I scratched that motherfucker good. and then it felt good. Beyond Good. Everything was in flux. There was a dwarf and that dwarf was a MUTHAFUCKIN NIGGER. He was chatting shit about time, but I was all like "Gates, man, gates", and he was all like "naww man" and a wolf howled. Shit was cool. * * * *'Chapter tree' * *The blood was oozing down her lips as she bit down hard on her catch's erect penis. He moaned in pain, in delight, as she crazily moved the shaft back and forth between her inscisors. Isn't that like the German cannibal? * *No, I replied in crazed horror. Something's wrong today, I knew it from the moment I got out of bed. Why is this fugly ass teen girl staring at me, and what's up with that snap erection (japanese politician) i got by looking at her malformed ass? OHMYGAWD OMY Oh my , I cannot think strait anymore, thought the river to herself as she got on her knees , unzipping the guy in the back row of the bus. Turns out he was a she, named Thelma, Thelma with the gargantually ? large clitoris, walking on the wild side for the better half of the last decade. * *Well I could be mistaken, but (fuck I'm hungry, be back in a minute) there are ten people living all together in one pavillon and it's pretty small so what are we to do about Kelvin? * *???? * *THE END a fag KILLED EVERYONE AND OD'D ON COUGH SYRUP WHAT A FUCKING WUSS * * * *'Chapter for' * * * *That fucking fucktard. I'm gonna kill him the first chance i get. I'll rape the shit out of his eyes, his garlic eyes full of yellow onion lips.. well fuck'em! Je l'emmerde profondément et lui souhaite le plus grand des malheurs sur lui et toute sa lignée. * *"I don't understand all this internet lingo. I am not good with computers." was the main reason why I'm * *wut? * *said @matthewpyr said allie, wow that was actually good * *i like that * * * *allofasuddenimisseveryone * * * * * *On Gmail chat. On Gmail chat all along. FUCK OFF TAO. really. Go copy Bret Easton Ellis. Again. * * * * * *LOVE LIVE INTERNET POETRY * *LONG LIVE ALT-LIT * *ling leaves duckoff * *It can be fun to masturbate alone, but it is greater fun to masturbate together.(YOUNG MONEY) * *wow, is this like, an effing story or some shit?(YEAH WLATER) * *from the horse niggers at clit (no juice allowed) * *chapter 4 is pretty intense scheawh. Then, ironically or fittingly, you could swear your copy of American Psycho spoke to you. * * * * * *'"Chapter Jive"- Cab Calloway' * * * *"i just read 'gargantuanlly large clitoris' so i think i'm sold"- Stephen King * *"i'm in" - Elton John * *"self-defense" - JACKIE 4CHAN * *Cá bhfuil an fuinneoga? Il est ??. The terrible firmament. (you appear to have typed a fragment) * *A sound was definitely within audible range of him, but he could not pinpoint the source just yet. It was another fucking morning in this godawful town, and he could be dealing with much worse shit, but it felt kinda good to whine about nonsense once in a while. The sound grew louder. The sun was coming up. A ?? was definitely staring at him. * *"Why didn't you invite me?" -Oscar Wilde "no fags allowed" "smoking is banned" "exactly" * * * * * *DO TELL.I'm actually the girl from ipa nema * * * *Hey, who took my sand color? * *Its me, anon, stealing all yer colors. * *Did you forget the giant penis that's penissing the penis? If you did, return to the start where now you find the penis tower, ruin of the penis city. If you didn't you better did. The giant penis is to be forgotten. * * * * * *'Chapter Sexual Healing ' * * * * * *Zombies. Zombies, everywhere! Non, c'est juste un rève fou, a incredibly confusing dream. * * * *C'est partit. Une fois de plus le méandre que constituait ma pensée m'emporte dans de longues tirades essentiellement vides. * *Ce stream-of-conscioussness ne saurait combler ce manque qui me ronge jour après jour. Le suicide ne saurait tarder. Il apparait cependant éffrayant, sombre, sinistre mais mysterieux. * *"ZOU BISOUU BISOUU BISOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" me chanta-t-elle d'un air coquin et appétissant. * *Il était clair qu'elle voulait mon sexe chaud dans son fourreau vaginal. Elle ne perd rien pour attendre. * *Mais mes pensées m'emportent vers d'autres horizons. * *Toi, lecteur (yes, you reader!) ne manquera pas d'observer mon manque de constance vis a vis du choix de mes temps verbaux. C'est ainsi, tu n'y peux rien. Along the road, a toad. Un crapeau. Sad, sticky and warm. Unusual for a toad. Mais il en est ainsi. Tu n'y peux rien, lecteur. Reader, you are at the crossroads of all languages, as the babel tower we're builing gain more and more power, the letters establish themselves in a kingdom of tropes, vividly sitting on thrones of paragraphs. * *C'est ma "Raison d'etre" particuliiaire, ma joie, mon bonheur absolu. Lawngrowing simulation is not to be laughed at. This is why you don't take LSD from France.^^ * * * *??? ??? ?????. ??? ?????? ??? ?? ???? ?????". Oh the irony of the colour of your background,"said louise. * *No, not really, replied laurence.Not at all actually. * *"I do not get you," said I as I adjusted my Michael-Scott best smile in order to hide my awkwardness. * *"That is just too bad," said Jesus " feels bat, man." * *"Maybe you should order me" said the, I don't know, a calicocalicocalicoleoninegrinseeforever. NYAN cat. Yeah. That can talk. That blow your mind? Huh? Weeaboo! I'm crazy * *We are not getting anywhere, gentlemen. * *You've had the map upside down! (check ma tropes) said Patrick Bateman TWICE * *stop whining fag We are, this is a fucking masterwork in the making.You're being delusional. * *Maybe we'd be less delusional if you hadn't drank my mineral water said Patrick. * *Nowhere! * *Desisti entender la finalidad de este texto, desde ahora me dejo llevar por el fluir de mis pensamientos. * *--o?? Show some respect bitch. i'm jesus FAS! * *--what does FAS means? * *-- It means "For Allah's Sake!" * * * *"Here, I got Allah's name into the masterpiece. Now, criticism should be considered an act of Islamophobe."-George Clooney * *"Your book sucks." "No, you are against Islam, you Neo-Nazi." * *Thank me later, guys. Congratulations. marvelliouseuaie sza elujd. * *Which other groups get easily offended / picked on. Juice (a.k.a. Jews)? Maybe we should add reference to them into the masterpiece too. MormonsThose too. * * * *Ad break: * *If one examines dialectic appropriation, one is faced with a choice: either accept Lacanist obscurity or conclude that reality comes from the masses, given that narrativity is equal to language. In Foucault’s Pendulum, Eco analyses surrealism; in The Aesthetics of Thomas Aquinas, although, he deconstructs Lacanist obscurity. Therefore, Marx uses the term ‘surrealism’ to denote the common ground between sexual identity and class. * * * *“Sexual identity is fundamentally responsible for hierarchy,” says Sartre. Sargeant implies that we have to choose between constructivist narrative and neotextual desemioticism. In a sense, Lyotard uses the term ‘surrealism’ to denote the role of the reader as poet. * * * *Many theories concerning the defining characteristic, and eventually the failure, of patriarchial class exist. Therefore, if postcultural deconstruction holds, the works of Eco are modernistic. * * * *Foucault suggests the use of the posttextual paradigm of narrative to read society. However, the closing/opening distinction which is a central theme of Eco’s Foucault’s Pendulum is also evident in The Aesthetics of Thomas Aquinas. * * * *Dietrich states that we have to choose between surrealism and textual subcapitalist theory. In a sense, Marx promotes the use of the structural paradigm of discourse to challenge sexism. * * * *A number of discourses concerning surrealism may be discovered. However, Derrida uses the term ‘Baudrillardist simulacra’ to denote not situationism, as Lacan would have it, but neosituationism. * * * *Chapter 7up "Penis" Spoilers the chapter where the guy gets the petite girl Allie, who had a penis. /Spoilers * * * *Hey, I was going to say that! * *I don't mind. Mind over matter. The pitter patter. Of tiny meat. Your tiny meat has matured into a colossal steak, I'm chewing on it, chewing and chewing and the taste is bovine (nice) Got me steak on the pan. The salt on the meat. lawngrowing simulation * *Thank you sand nigger guy! I am making everybody equal.fuck couldn't stomach it The meat was old, it was gone. I had to accept this. Allie, Alex, who cared anymore.Heat and sweat everywhere demulcentsdemulcentsdemulcetns s I read Judith Butler's wikipedia article, and she said I shouldn't worry about this shit. Probably. So I went with it, sucking at Allie's dimple between her thighs. I knew that, from the very beginning, her dick was huge, but when i first saw it i got shocked. It wasn´t the penis, but her lack of big hairerd balls. ????? ?? ???! * * * *Shall I begin the process of making it one large run-on sentence; heck let's do it anyway: "Run, sentence, run!""But I have no legs, then why are you on a swing and I'm on mes régles; that's gross man and fucking nasty and while we're at it, are you a female, because I'm too lazy to figure it out myself; the feminists will launch such a piss-storm on me if they were here, thank Allah they're not here; what's the female form of "nigger"? Niggress? Nigra¿? Negrita?Nigeria? Nigeria is a country. A CUNTRY..... * *Re: Cunt: So is Jesus Christ. I love you Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ I love go back to /mu/I have only spent 10 minutes of my life on /mu/.<--cool guy bill... chiasmi.Take me, Jesus. Get inside me. Gimme your holy seed. Cum inside my loli vagina Jesus-san! My hips are moving on their own! >>>/a/ * *Oh Jesus! Oh Jesus, Jesus. Holy fucking Jesus. Fuck me. Said the bitch while farting over her brothers head. That (wait for it) ...Arse full of farts!!!!!!!!1 lolsauron rex That's what Mary said. But not mother Mary?, that whore Mary. The Bible had really bad characterisation sometimes. A VOLATILE CUNT...ry. * * * *Jesus, wet my nipples with your holy saliva. Breathe on them with your divine breath. Kiss me, Jesus (who let us not forget was both a sand-nigger and a jew, and so a double minority, but somehow also a majority), where it feels good.Kiss me where it smells funny. Jesus used his giant 20 inch leafcock to bathe the loli, Mary, in his holy seed. It would be his second cuming. :D * *Make a woman out of me, Jesus. Let this nine year old wake up a woman tomorrow. * *Gimme a child, Jesus. Oh, I can see his grandfather playing baseball with him already. * *Do you think he will inherit his granpa when he is dead? I heard a guy called Nietzsche say that God is ill, that God is dying. Is your father dying, Jesus? * * * *Chapter ate * * * *THE WALL: * *Fight them in a big deep space showdown. to the weird column Where toweling wrestles about a goody-goody ballerina (Natalie Portman/Truman capote). it was too weird for 1933. But just right for 2010. But that was years ago, wasn't it? But the realisation that it was too passe for 2012. from vaudevillians in this mix of sex and weirdness A Chinese princess marries the Marquis de Sade with ridiculous amounts of nudity and violence and about a 5% admixture of surrealism and plenty of whips. Almost dark blue, soft streaks of black covered the room when they were done with it. * * * *A dystopian kingdom is surprisingly entertaining, innovative in breaking the fourth wall, but not weird in an underground bunker. Alfred Eaker argues they keep the shape of the horse.Antonio Banderas disagrees. The walls are moving in and Katherine has ejaculated. The wedding is over. * * * *Let's take this moment of prayer to slug a four shorn belt and have at it for the feather * *I fucking love breaking the 4th wall. I so like it that i build a 5th just to break them at the dawnsame time. That means it one more than the 4th wall. How many walls are there? I thought there were only 4. Where's the ceiling? Maybe the 5th wall is the ceiling. The GLASS ceiling. I WILL FUCKING TEAR THROUGH THE ROOF NIGGER.I will build you a wall for every wall you break, baby. We built this wall on Rock & Roll. "I broke the Berlin Wall with rock music and MTV"- David Hasselhoff * *"I can't let you do that Michael?" -KITT * *"That's my line" -HAL * *"I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."- C3PO * *It was always good when C3PO wrote a review. That only happened with multiple orgasms. I felt this could be love. But maybe I was too jaded by pop culture references. * * * *'THE BENCH:' * *Guys, guys! There is another guy using my sand color. An 4-poster. * *Impossible! * *IT'S TRUE * *"Its me, anon, stealing all yer colors." * *Dude, stop using my color. It is MINE! (Note how I used all-caps, I am that serious.) * *Shit, I better get a new color then. * *Yes, you better did that. * *This is getting racist again. * *Sand-orange is my color, and I am proud of it. * *Its mine, too. Pad won't let me change. Seems your identity is split now. * *Sand orange is da majority. Will they abuse their power to oppress the rest of us? * *Of course we will. But you will like it. So much you will beg for more. * *You can not make me like liking it. I hate liking it, masser. Oh, you will like liking it, be sure. Oh fuck you masser. * *So, where did I leave my whip? * *"Dude, stop being me? Are you me?"-Tom Cruise * *I am me! * *And I am me. And you are me. Shit. Who am I? * *The oppressors have lost their sense of identity! Rise up brothers! (OR sisters) * *But it * * * *'Chapter 8.237-1: T' * * * *They're coming. But they haven't left yet. So close yet so far -- crazy, naked man standing in the middle of the room on some meat/flesh dump, holding a pig head in front of his penis. Lord of the Flies wasn't good enough for him. Nor was anything else, for that matter. Nothing really mattered. He had just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger and he was dead.Why he killed him? Because he could. He always considered himself special, in a way that made others think he was a douche. Not far from the truth really. His face was covered with zits, and his other features were kinda non-descriptable. His eyes, though. His eyes told a different story. They were wild, green colored eyes, a stare from which could scare a grown man to tears, eyes like "bad, bad leroy brown, the baddest man in the whole damn town, badder than old king-kong, and meaner than a junk yard dog."- Kurt Vonnegut * * * *Chapter 9 "The end was knee-high" * * * *In the beginning was man, and man said, "Let there be light, heat, uri geller, bananas, super poon, electric, magnetism, gravity, electric, (oxford comma rocks my socks) and all the other forces of nature." And he saw that it was good. Then he sleep for a day/ close enough. INFINITE. * * CHAPTER -1'''I looked sadly into the void. Entropy has won, it seems. After all those millenia we, I, was never able to figure out how to avoid this moment and how to dip my wick.This universe, I, we are doomed. What is random? Jesus.Who is chaos? A linear congruential generator often fails to qualify the 5 basics statistical tests for randomness. Don't even get me started on the maurer's test. Blum blum shubb is a bit better, cryoptologists will agree. A statistically mayhemish universe is somewhat as much scary as the thought of an ordered deterministic one. I just finished my last cigarette. Cracking open a new box now, u jelly?no is smoke heroine. Cracking up another veine. U jelly? I'm also eating rice crispies. Ice cold milk. u jelly?Too bad I cannot smoke a cigarette and have wild sex with a girl one last time before the end. We are all one entity now, one thing.Damn you, us, me. It does not matter. dip my wick.on a stick.* is stick. * * *Epilogue: I murdered Jedward yet the horror lives on the beaches of the Canary islands. SRSLY DONT GO THERE *Ironing?Sign me up! I fucking have. GRAN CANERIA 5 LIFE! *This manuscript clearly needs more vampires and teenage angst. I think teenage angst radiates from this manuscript *But does it litter? That's what we must ask ourselves "DOES IT LITTER?" Lets muse over this thought for awhile. * Brian is not a good name for a mass-murder weapon. It's only my opinion of course. EVERYTHING IS SUBJECTIVE. !4-chan is time consumer no.1 on my list.Butterflies are Papillons. Papillons are butterflies. Chiasmus.The internet is a ''samidzat. Your neurones will go SACPOP over this. I just started to write like that and I like it. Je me sens bien. I knew that I would. Let's talk about brian whoever that is.''Who the fuck is brian if i may ask? I hope he is not a mass-murder weapon. Because then I wouldn't like it. How many people are we talking about genocide-wise?I don't know the definision of genocide.. well 10000i DON'T LIKE this kind of rating.I prefer: the "shitload" "huge amount" " a heck lot"????? describes it better! like the shape of the letters, i agree.It could be an interesting bipolar dialogue once we'll publish it and the colors won't be visible.hey purple. Lets pretend. Lets make a dialogue. Have you ever thought of the many possibilities a tiger has? No. Yes.Decide already. Always with the ambivalence. thanks, im from eastern europe. you just widened my knowledge of English -- Hi there, do you have any pencils?--has seven--somebody is trying to talk through my mouth! --Oh gosh, ask him who he is!-- He is bill.-- You should do the trick where the guy's drinking water and he's like talking through you. That would be p cool. Throwing words?-- Throwing words sounds crazily/terrifically unsafe. I'm scared because I'm the voice of the egothe voice of Hugo, hi I am Hugo I'm Hugoenot.Bastard! and/or morality, depending on how you interpret it. Maybe the patriarchy, I was never so up on feminism, much like a patriarch.--Who are you?--Bill? Somewhat familiar.. do you know a fella named Brian--No.--Ok--I lied.--Not ok. Are you by any chance... compulsive liar?--No. You can not take anything from that response.--I can take that you want to fuck your mother and kill your father.--My dick just grew longer.--Precisely.--I wasn't taking measurments before it grew.--There are always uncertainties in measurement. I know this because I am science. Quantum Science. Positioned, but not momentumed, or vice versa, I'm not sure.-- I am Quadriple Science--SCIENCE KILLS ANIMALS!!!!--No, I will now kill this cute frog with RADIATIONS. Look at its little eyes.--I will kill Rontgen with frogs with swords.STOP! scientific scum! There are puppies involved and GUIDELINES too! And as we all know, guidelines make Ayn Rand cry wolf babies out of her womb that guide the blind and make her cry even more. Catch 22 thousand naked clowns making infinite gesticulations with their dicks (hirsute and big). Tying balloon animals. Little dogs. Poodles. Oh god. WITH THEIR DICKS. MY BABY is a kawaii~~ neko-tan. Gentlmen, we have come here to flip our dicks. Its really awkward to be the only one with pants down standing here. Come on, guys '''Chapter 10 willy' not be finished' And so- No you could not do su- I don't know what to sa- No, your m- Is this writer's bl- That's a good q- Wait wha- 8 D-yourmom-tan- Time to watch Lelse- Who are you? What a- It's so b- Pfe, such a cl- It's so sm- Jim they said, jim they sa- Hodor s- Chapter 11 (Chapter 10 still going)